I recently saw a comment that I overlooked on my blog that someone made almost a year ago that said-
“Standing in one’s own word is perhaps the greatest challenge anyone can have. We all have good reasons to find easier ways, or to change our word to ‘better’ match our circumstances. It’s a rare individual though, that chooses the harder road, that chooses to align their actions with their words rather than the other way ’round. It’s inspiring.”
Just reading that quote had me take a look at some things and made me inspired but having to take a look at myself. From past blogs and posting on the facebook Crohn’s page a lot of you know the struggles I deal with personally with my health. I seek no sympathy I only tell you these things to keep you up to date on what is going on with my life. I know I am off topic some but I will try and bring it all together. I have had two surgeries within three months of each other one hip surgery to try and slow disease progression and then on September the 26th I had a total hip replacement on my right hip, which is one of two knowing my other hip will have to be replaced. Yeah at my age this is not the best situation to be in but it is what I have been dealt and I am overcoming it. Now with that out of the way when I post things I try to be as positive and inspirational as can be. I post quotes, Bible verses and say how I am getting through this and what I continue to do with my life and say I am doing fine.
When I saw the standing in one’s own words quote it made me realize that maybe I should let you see the other side of me. I try so hard to stand by my own words and be happy and make jokes and deal with my situation, and by the Grace of God I will eventually get to my goal of finishing my college degree and hopefully going to medical school and everything. This other side I am talking about is the vulnerable part of my life. I get depressed, I cry, I can’t walk without a walker and have a social life right now but this only means that I am human. I want you guys to see that I persevere through these hard times and that in the end its how I look and deal with my situation. We have a choice to be pissed off and mad because we are sick, and we can’t do this and that or we can hold our heads and high and instead of being a “Debbie Downer” be something positive in this world. There is so much negative already, people need to see hope. There are times that I do not stand by my own words, that I wake up and get depressed some days where I just wanna lay around and sleep and not think about anything that is going on in my life and I cry and I hurt, but I do my dang hardest to not be that way. I try and think that there is always someone out there worse off than myself. Like the quote says, “ We all have good reasons to find easier ways, or to change our words to ‘Better’ match our circumstances.” And we do, we have a reason to take the easy way out and there are times that I want to just quit and give up and not go back to finish my degree and find an easier career and be done with it, but then who would I be when I said I will finish and I will not let my health overrun my life. I want to be that rare individual who chooses the hard road, to align my actions with my words rather than talk the talk and not walk the walk so to speak. I want to inspire, I want to help people who are hurting and be that little spark of hope that people need to keep going. But I wanted you guys to know who keep up with me that I stumble that I am human and I look at people who have overcame things that are way worse than what I have been through. I know you all know that I have bad days but those are the days I never really talk about that I keep to myself but maybe I shouldn’t as much maybe I should show you the deeper part of my life.
I hope that this was not boring but gives you a an insight on the harder part of my life, not for sympathy but for inspiration to let you know I have to fight hard and look to you guys for my inspiration and my hope. To be that person who stands in my own words and choose the hard road. I read this scripture verse every day its my favorite verse and I always like to end my blog with it.
“My health may fail, and my Spirit may grow weak, But God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” Psalm 73:26
