Standing in Ones own words.

I recently saw a comment that I overlooked on my blog that someone made almost a year ago that said-

Standing in one’s own word is perhaps the greatest challenge anyone can have. We all have good reasons to find easier ways, or to change our word to ‘better’ match our circumstances. It’s a rare individual though, that chooses the harder road, that chooses to align their actions with their words rather than the other way ’round. It’s inspiring.”

Just reading that quote had me take a look at some things and made me inspired but having to take a look at myself. From past blogs and posting on the facebook Crohn’s page a lot of you know the struggles I deal with personally with my health. I seek no sympathy I only tell you these things to keep you up to date on what is going on with my life. I know I am off topic some but I will try and bring it all together. I have had two surgeries within three months of each other one hip surgery to try and slow disease progression and then on September the 26th I had a total hip replacement on my right hip, which is one of two knowing my other hip will have to be replaced. Yeah at my age this is not the best situation to be in but it is what I have been dealt and I am overcoming it. Now with that out of the way when I post things I try to be as positive and inspirational as can be. I post quotes, Bible verses and say how I am getting through this and what I continue to do with my life and say I am doing fine.

When I saw the standing in one’s own words quote it made me realize that maybe I should let you see the other side of me. I try so hard to stand by my own words and be happy and make jokes and deal with my situation, and by the Grace of God I will eventually get to my goal of finishing my college degree and hopefully going to medical school and everything. This other side I am talking about is the vulnerable part of my life. I get depressed, I cry, I can’t walk without a walker and have a social life right now but this only means that I am human. I want you guys to see that I persevere through these hard times and that in the end its how I look and deal with my situation. We have a choice to be pissed off and mad because we are sick, and we can’t do this and that or we can hold our heads and high and instead of being a “Debbie Downer” be something positive in this world. There is so much negative already, people need to see hope. There are times that I do not stand by my own words, that I wake up and get depressed some days where I just wanna lay around and sleep and not think about anything that is going on in my life and I cry and I hurt, but I do my dang hardest to not be that way. I try and think that there is always someone out there worse off than myself. Like the quote says, “ We all have good reasons to find easier ways, or to change our words to ‘Better’ match our circumstances.” And we do, we have a reason to take the easy way out and there are times that I want to just quit and give up and not go back to finish my degree and find an easier career and be done with it, but then who would I be when I said I will finish and I will not let my health overrun my life. I want to be that rare individual who chooses the hard road, to align my actions with my words rather than talk the talk and not walk the walk so to speak. I want to inspire, I want to help people who are hurting and be that little spark of hope that people need to keep going. But I wanted you guys to know who keep up with me that I stumble that I am human and I look at people who have overcame things that are way worse than what I have been through. I know you all know that I have bad days but those are the days I never really talk about that I keep to myself but maybe I shouldn’t as much maybe I should show you the deeper part of my life.

I hope that this was not boring but gives you a an insight on the harder part of my life, not for sympathy but for inspiration to let you know I have to fight hard and look to you guys for my inspiration and my hope. To be that person who stands in my own words and choose the hard road. I read this scripture verse every day its my favorite verse and I always like to end my blog with it.

“My health may fail, and my Spirit may grow weak, But God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” Psalm 73:26

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5 thoughts on “Standing in Ones own words.

  1. HiThank you for sharing your life. I know it can't be easy to "put it all out there" but you do a very good job of it!! My heart breaks for all you have had to endure. I do not have IBD, but my husband has Crohn's and my 14 year old daughter had UC. I say "had" because she had her colon removed last year and now has a Jpouch. It is so unfair for young people to have to suffer. I also worry about what the steroids have done to my daughter's bones. I can't believe you had to have hip replacement surgery at 20 yrs old. You have a wonderful attitude about your struggles, and that will get you through!! Hang in there and please keep sharing your life with us…I know there are many out there that your words have helped.

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  2. Hi Aaron,I've been reading your posts on Facebook for a while now, and have been following your struggles from a distance. I've replied to a few posts of yours with words of encouragement.Now I will share some of my struggles with you as well… I am 32 today, and I was diagnosed with CD and UC when I was 19 years old. I also wanted to be a doctor, and school was my priority. My life was to be dedicated to going to school and making sure I became a great doctor. Ann thenI was diagnosed. My world fell apart as I struggled with a part time job, school, and this disease. I had always been a straight A student, and to watch my grades slip because I couldn't make it to school was very frustrating. I was constantly in pain, had diarrhea, and overall was miserable. I was too embarrassed to tell the truth to my professors. I had walked out on classes, exams, work… My GPA fell far below what was accepted to get into a science program. It took me 5 years to graduate with my AA. And my GPA was not good, along with the many withdrawals from science courses, I was told I was not good enough to be in school, or to be accepted into any science program. I was disappointed, sad, depressed… So I took sometime to myself, re-applied to a private school, when I was 28. My dream was to go to school and finish a degree. I finally was able to. I graduated a year later with an AS in Nuclear Medicine Technology. I was one of the top students of my class. Like I said, I am now 32, and going back to school in January to finish my Biology degree, and hopefully I will apply to a Physician's Assistant program. In other words, when I was younger, I thought there was only one way to achieve my goals. I thought there was only one road. But life throws curveballs at you, all the time. You just need to keep your head up, don't give up. Everything in our lives happen for a reason. Sometimes it takes a lot longer to achieve those goals, through avenues we would've never thought possible.That's life. That's our life. Keep being brave, take care of yourself, be kind to your body. Let yourself heal. We all have our moments. I also battle with depression. It doesn't mean you are negative; it means you are human. Bottom line is, after being hit hard, you get up. That is all that matters.It is not easy having this disease. But it is not the end of the world. It is not a death sentence to our dreams. Keep dreaming. You will achieve everyone of your goals. Be it in the next 5 years or 10… as long as you get there. :)xoRafaela

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  3. Thank you. Its good to know you are doing it. I have gone through the same thing with school was a straight A student and my grades dropped and everything. I do have time off right now because of surgery and I think it will be beneficial when I start back school. I am 3 semesters from finishing my biology degree and my school has a PA program as well that I am looking into. Thank you for sharing this it is really encouraging to know! People don't understand how hard it is especially in school.

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  4. πŸ™‚ I am also not working. I was finally able to get on Disability so I could focus on getting better. I had a rough last year (which ended up with a colostomy and finally the reversal earlier this year). Since I was diagnosed, I was going to school and working non-stop despite being sick. So it is very nice to be able to finally give my body a break πŸ™‚ Take care, I hope you heal fast πŸ™‚ God bless.Rafaela

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  5. Yes I understand needing a rest. I have gone to college non stop been hospitalized 5 times during my 3 years of college, had literally 8 colonoscopies and so much more and hospitalized twice last semester so I need it but with the hip replacement my body just took a bigger hit ya know? And im so young disability seems like it would be hard to get for me but it would help! God bless you as well. and take care!

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