So, over the last month I have had a rough time. I started something at school that I knew was gonna be mentally and physically challenging about 4 weeks ago because it was something that I really wanted to do and try and prove to myself, and to everyone else that just because I am sick and not the healthiest person in the world I can overcome things and do certain things that people don’t think I can do or expect me to try at. So I started and the first week wasn’t bad it was just very tiring, which I knew it would be of course. The second week got harder and my Crohn’s started to flare up on me. When this happened I got pretty weak and sick for a couple of days and ended up going to the ER for dehydration and pain from the flare up. They fixed me all up in the ER and I was feeling much better and I went back to the physical thing I had started after some rest. Well at the end of the second week I was told by the people in charge that they did not feel I needed to continue because of my health and that it wouldn’t be fair to other people who are doing the same things I was if I had it easier than them through the process, so I had to quit.
Let me just vent here for a second. First of all its not fair that I have a disease and many other health issues going on that are out of my control. I am not mad or upset that I have so many health problems I have come to terms with that and realized that God is in control of my life and health and He knows what He is doing. If I wasn’t strong enough to handle it I probably would not have it but apparently I am pretty strong. Also, I did not like the fact that the decision was made for me and I did not have a say in the matter. If I was at the point where I said hey I need to quit because I can’t do it anymore than that is a different story, but the decision was made for me. Anyways, I was upset of course not really mad more of an upsetting thing because I wanted it very badly and put my all into it and that wasn’t good enough. This happened 2 weeks ago and I am over it now. I have realized that sometimes things happen that are out of our control and we just have to accept it and move on. Yeah, granted I still wish I was doing it because it meant a lot to me and was something new for me I have accepted everything, and I am not bitter over it. I made great friends and grew closer to those I already had during the process so it was pretty awesome.
I don’t like letting my disease control what I do though because I wanna prove to people that just because I have Crohn’s disease and other things wrong that these diseases do not have me. I rarely ever do not do something because I am sick. I go to class sick, I go out with friends sick, and many other things when I do not feel well just because I don’t want to be controlled by it and to prove that I can beat it. Yes, there are days when I just can’t do things and I do stay in and rest or go on to the doctor but thats when I have had enough and my body can’t take anymore. I am about to post a quote that is probably my favorite one of all because it really hits home with me it says: